Life in Color

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.  

Maya Angelou

Usually, when I sit down to write, I have had a profound flash of inspiration, a moment of clarity, a feeling, a something that I can hold onto long enough to put into words.

Today is not that day, today is writing for the sake of writing, tappy tappy tappy of the keys.  Writing because I have not had a sip of  “mommy” wine in 29 days.  My brain is actually turned back on I think.  Writing because I feel actually less apathetic about my own voice.  Writing because it snowed on my pretty pink flowering trees yesterday, big fluffy gorgeous life affirming snow and then it melted and today was insanely beautiful. Writing because 3 people I adore told me I should today.

I am going to use a challenge that my dear friend and deeply inspiring and insightful blogger Runninghood gave to herself, to write everyday for xx days.  38 was her number.  50 will be my number.  50 days until I turn 44, yes I had to calculate that a few times…44? really? 2016-1972, yep 44.  Next year 45-49 age group so that means I’m 44 this year.  That’s weird.  I feel 32 ish. Maybe 33.5.  I don’t feel in my 20’s at all.  Mostly because I didn’t have kids then and I can barely imagine myself without kids, and I don’t want to really.  Anyway, she had a few focuses to help her, I just need to freaking write, anything, so will be free flow for me.

I have done 100day photo challenges before, #100happydays, and it really worked.  I could NOT go to sleep without finding a happy thing to photograph and comment about, it became part of my soul, not even a chore.  Now I take pictures every single day that matter to me, even without the hashtag identifying it as such.  Photos are how I have been “writing” you could say.  When I take a picture on a run or a drive or a hike or as part of daily life as a mom and human, I get to express myself, as I let you see what I see, with some of the emotion that goes with it, funny, sad, overwhelming, peace, hope, struggle, or just the wow isn’t that pretty.  From the time I take a picture to the time I post it, edit (yes even enhance to the way i SEE it)  I can have myself an entire therapy session.  I thank my lucky stars for the beautiful convenience of the iphone.  If you want to see some of em feel free to follow me on IG @arbonnecorie

So 50 days.  I am excited to see if any floodgates open up or if I at least manage simple ponderings.

Today I had no profound awakenings.  I just had a really great run with Amanda, one I must say we dominated muahaha, a 9mile run with 4 solid race pace miles in the middle.  It is so very good to run with someone willing to go any pace I need to go, and able to go any pace I can or faster, someone you can wimper in the pain parts with, laugh at the drama that unfolds in your head as the body tries to rebel a little.  For someone who trains alone, so much, for years and years, runs like this breath life into me.  And it is also truly valuable to know that she is on a similar path with her running as I am, learning to be in the moment, takes runs as they come or sometimes don’t at all, taking new paths and trails and finding slower and stronger, and more freedom to just be a runner.  Not an elite runner, or a winning runner, or even an improving runner.  But just someone who is finding how extremely versatile her body really is, how incredible it is that it can still perform when called upon, with less “perfect” training.

I’m learning to give myself some grace when a run goes bad, starts bad, ends bad, or the days I just want to take pictures and sit on a rock by the river before jogging home.   On Monday I actually cried, hard, during a slow easy run.. why? not sure? it sucked… I got emotional.  I blame the meds from the weekend for allergies/cold.   I don’t have run pity parties typically, it is silly to feel THAT bad on a run, I mean, geez, I’m RUNNING!  in Bend!  Ok I also blame hormones, they don’t care where you live.  Whatever happened, I sure feel better now.  I must have needed it.  Something about having a cry that actually makes your eyes red and puffy that is good, so I won’t question it again, and I will avoid Benadryl.

I’m learning to go really soooper fast when the mood strikes, because what if that was my last chance to feel THAT?!  I’m learning that no run is worth NOT allowing a stop mid – interval to stare in awe at a mountain, or set of rapids on a river, or find where the sound of the baby osprey is coming from.  I want the FULL experience.  I can run and train and be IN my world.  Not running to check out, but to check in.

SO there day 1 of 50.  For those of you who made it to this point I give you a song recommendation, lucky dogs!

A song I have been listening to on repeat for a few days has filled me so much with what I feel about it all right now.  Life In Color by One Republic.. check it out!  so bright, so happy.

… This is life in color, today feels like no other, and the darkest grays, the sun bursts, clouds break …. this is life in motion, and just when I could run this race no more, the sun bursts, clouds break, this is life in color.  THIS IS LIFE IN COLOR.

 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. StoneCreek Ranch
    Apr 16, 2016 @ 10:07:38

    Great post! Thanks for sharing and inspiring…..<3

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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