Shifting Gears. Or Not:-)

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
Theodore Roosevelt

Simple quote from Teddy.  But how this summed up my comical bike ride Saturday.

Saturday I gave myself a chance to see, for real, how hard I’m willing mentally to work for Ironman #6.

Essentially, I spent most of the ride without my big front chain ring, no problem I right? Just some high cadence times and no pushing downhills at all. Still kinda mentally draining but whatevs. Then it happened.  No shifting in the back.  It was stuck on my 11(smallest and hardest).  Eff! I may have said out loud, yeah I swear in times such as these:-)    I was still 25 miles from home. Uphill miles.  Many long climbs, general ups and stupid steep stuff that are always hard even with all systems go.

What to do?  I had the thought that was planted into my brain by the TedXBend talk last week… Ask, what is funny about this?! Everything!

So I now had a fixed gear bike.  As I said on Fb a very fancy fixed gear bike.  Hmm never really imagined riding this route under such a situation.  But I thought it IS funny, it has to be.  Certainly isn’t a REAL problem!

So here it is, I’m going to work hard on the way home, maybe I will even have to get off I don’t know, the other few hundred cyclists on the road on a bluebird Saturday may wonder why I am either spinning, not pedaling or grinding up a hill at 23cad, in sloooow motion…

Every hill I crested I felt both exhilarated and exhausted.  I focused on one at a time. One standing push at a time. Watched my power numbers for fun, watching the fatigue creep in and Max numbers drop lower.  But mile by mile I made it home.  Even after a family of 25, I mean 10, crossed the road at the bottom of the hill I was flying down to get free speed for a good start up the 2nd steepest climb of the day. They saw me, they crossed.  I had to almost stop. Ugh.  Felt a surge of wth at the clueless people who didn’t know or care about my one gear wonderful ride. Then I forgave em.  I pedaled up. It hurt, was slow and I felt victorious.  I was going to make it! Just a few more mildish miles.  I think I used all my happy brain power and way more of my body than normal for a bike ride.

I never called for help, wondered if I should for sure,  but just stayed focused on small tasks to see what I could do.  I did post a statement about my plight on Fb, a moment to vent while I prepared to just keep going lol.

I wonder if I will need to call on this experience again, this proof that I can manage surprise not ideal circumstances. I know I will. Actually thrilled it happened. It’s like a boost to what level I want to train at now.  And yes I learned to keep my shifters charged esp before long rides!

Pharoah the Phancy Phixie at my pondering point

 

Kinda behind on my days, so this is 16 of 50.  Maybe I can catch up with some short n sweet posts.  This week.

Song for ya,  Thistle and Weeds by Mumford, “…plant your hope with good seeds don’t cover yourself with thistle and weeds….I will hold on I will hold on hope”

There’s always hope-If you have taken care of that part of your soul everyday. It will take care of you when stuff gets tough!

Raising me up… Falling Waters

 

Falling Waters

Gate closed, no cars allowed
Running alone, no one around
Creek flowing, flowers growing
Heart beating faster I won’t be slowing


Cliffs above me towering strong
Soon I’ll be there, it won’t take long
Crunching, stepping, climbing higher
Life in mountains helps you feel lighter.

I hear the sound, a rumbling roar
Soon I see it, where eagles soar
Water falling, splashing below
Where only the strongest firs can grow

So clear, so cold
So many stories from glaciers old
I run to see you, to feel you, to listen
I run to breathe you in, to find that bit of ‘me’ within.

I found it yes, I always do.
Already can’t wait to return to you.

By Me



Today was a going back to a familiar place but it’s been awhile.  Since my running buddy Runninghood was teaching today, I figured I could at least explore so we could have a plan for a more epic day on the higher trails.  It reminded me how much I need this air, with the sounds of water falling all around me, beside me.  Snow still on the trails, light snow falling like a mist, tree fall to climb over, touching bark, jumping, slipping. Perfection. Just 8 miles but they were good ones.  I’d have to say “quality” miles.

Instead of writing my normal rambles I decided to try a little poem and posted it for Fb and IG, so might as well share it here today too, make it easier to keep track of too:-)

Day 13 of 50. Song “No Light No Light” by Florence and the Machine, ethereal and strong at the same time.  Older song but new to me today.

Volcano and Bike love.

 

“When life brings you mountains, you don’t waste your time asking why; you spend your time climbing over them.”

AJ Darkholme

img_8599I tend to write more often about running.  Maybe because it is easier to take a photo during a run, and photos are often a moment I can turn into a feeling about running.  Not as easy with a bike though not impossible.  When you are really having a great ride and rolling along, kinda don’t want to lose momentum to stop for a photo or take one while riding.

I’ve been finally training consistently since I took a lot of time off swimming and was inconsistent for a year on the bike.  This spring the body finally feels mostly really good and my mind is recovered from doing 5 ironman races in 3 years.

I have a new bike, after retiring the Biscuit (cervelo p1) who was with me for every race I ever did.  It was bittersweet for sure, but I was ready for an upgrade.  Maybe I just needed an excuse to get excited about pushing the pedals and setting new goals, and a sleek black machine seeemed like just the thing.  Now I 110% know,  any lacking on the bike is 110% the pilot.  With that comes pressure.  I cannot be a slow person on a fast bike.  Nope.  Incentive.

Almost every ride now I feel the subtle weight of that pressure, to come back after a year of piddling, gaining weight, being injured,  to get faster and stronger and healthier than I was before.  But it’s ok, it’s a good feeling.  Early this year as the miles started creeping up on long rides, I was starting to have some worries, wow am I really THAT out of bike shape? ruh roh, my power was decent, but the speed numbers we blah and I could not for the life of me stay in aero without falling off the front of my seat.  Thought I was wimpy and I needed to get better.  Then it kept happening and my fitness was going up but the rides were still slow.  hmmmm.

Time for a bike fit, again…

TIP:  Don’t be a cheapskate and skimp on bike fitting.  I had mine fit when I first got it (affectionately my Pharoah, a Dimond)  Thought it was good really, it matched my other bike fit so… surely it was fine.

We knew I’d maybe need an adjustment as I got in shape, so it quickly became a no brainer to get it fixed if possible, not being able to be aero is kinda bad on a pricey tt bike.  Not sure why I waited 4 months after noticing problems, procrastination is often disguised as “making sure”.

Anywhoo. They (Bowen Sports Performance) overhauled my fit based on a guru fit machine and my recommendations on what felt better at same power output and some wise eyeballing.  Presto, new fit, BIG changes, and miracle of miracles.  I am aero stable again.  I can endure aero again.  I am so freaking happy about this!  because I love aero.  Aero equals feeling fast.  going fast. feeling anchored and focused.  Aero is good.  very good.  My perceived effort now matches my results, and my mental state has skyrocketed.

Thus, when I had to postpone my long bike to today, to let the body absorb extra soreness from the week,  I quickly had a clear plan.  Today I was ready to Climb Mt Bachelor, all the way to the parking lot yes.

I needed to have at least a decent base built over these first few months so I knew I could just ride up steady and happy and come down as fast as possible.  Today was the day.  I left at 6:30 am and had the road to myself mostly, quiet and cold, frost all the way up.  I have to say I love having a power meter.  I didn’t want to do a race effort at all so I kept it around 5-10% under my threshold,  I wanted to feel a hard effort that was sustainable and more than what I typically manage on rollers in the country.

I had such a good ride.  I have to admit it felt really good knowing I was the first up for the day.  The first little cyclist to have Mt Bachelor appear like a friendly giant, the first to pedal until South, Middle and North Sister were revealed over the summit with Broken Top in the morning light.  Every time I go up, it is for THIS.  That view, that coming into view.  Every single time it takes my breath away-  I simply cannot soak it up into my being enough.

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From my house to the head of the parking lot at the ski area is about 25 miles.  3050 climbing.  On the way down there is about 600 more climbing and some nice flat to hold onto tempo as long as possible.  Oh Oh, and in the early morning, no one is coming down the highway in a car with you… only going up to ski!  It is a beautiful time of day to enjoy the Cascade Lakes Hwy.  It’s always great with big wide smooth shoulders, but still, no one is better than some or many.   So get up and get out the door when you go!  Who needs warmth of midday sun? bundle and go and you won’t regret it.  Too many times we wait for perfect conditions.  I say MAKE them perfect.  Be cold, wet, hot, whatever, there is a way to prepare for most of it.   Once you are out there,  when others are not, that little extra something does something for your inner badassery belief level.  So I Highly recommend not only dealing with what ya got, but don’t even whine a lick about it.  Revel in it.

That’s my message for the day I reckon:)

So here we are Day 3 of my 50 day challenge.   And I have another song for ya inspired by the beloved volcanos we are drawn to daily.   Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy.  Get it, YOUNG (my last name) and volcanoes.. heehee.  ahh I’m a dork.

…it’s all over now before it has begun, we’ve already won, we are wild, we are like Young Volcanoes… 

Life in Color

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.  

Maya Angelou

Usually, when I sit down to write, I have had a profound flash of inspiration, a moment of clarity, a feeling, a something that I can hold onto long enough to put into words.

Today is not that day, today is writing for the sake of writing, tappy tappy tappy of the keys.  Writing because I have not had a sip of  “mommy” wine in 29 days.  My brain is actually turned back on I think.  Writing because I feel actually less apathetic about my own voice.  Writing because it snowed on my pretty pink flowering trees yesterday, big fluffy gorgeous life affirming snow and then it melted and today was insanely beautiful. Writing because 3 people I adore told me I should today.

I am going to use a challenge that my dear friend and deeply inspiring and insightful blogger Runninghood gave to herself, to write everyday for xx days.  38 was her number.  50 will be my number.  50 days until I turn 44, yes I had to calculate that a few times…44? really? 2016-1972, yep 44.  Next year 45-49 age group so that means I’m 44 this year.  That’s weird.  I feel 32 ish. Maybe 33.5.  I don’t feel in my 20’s at all.  Mostly because I didn’t have kids then and I can barely imagine myself without kids, and I don’t want to really.  Anyway, she had a few focuses to help her, I just need to freaking write, anything, so will be free flow for me.

I have done 100day photo challenges before, #100happydays, and it really worked.  I could NOT go to sleep without finding a happy thing to photograph and comment about, it became part of my soul, not even a chore.  Now I take pictures every single day that matter to me, even without the hashtag identifying it as such.  Photos are how I have been “writing” you could say.  When I take a picture on a run or a drive or a hike or as part of daily life as a mom and human, I get to express myself, as I let you see what I see, with some of the emotion that goes with it, funny, sad, overwhelming, peace, hope, struggle, or just the wow isn’t that pretty.  From the time I take a picture to the time I post it, edit (yes even enhance to the way i SEE it)  I can have myself an entire therapy session.  I thank my lucky stars for the beautiful convenience of the iphone.  If you want to see some of em feel free to follow me on IG @arbonnecorie

So 50 days.  I am excited to see if any floodgates open up or if I at least manage simple ponderings.

Today I had no profound awakenings.  I just had a really great run with Amanda, one I must say we dominated muahaha, a 9mile run with 4 solid race pace miles in the middle.  It is so very good to run with someone willing to go any pace I need to go, and able to go any pace I can or faster, someone you can wimper in the pain parts with, laugh at the drama that unfolds in your head as the body tries to rebel a little.  For someone who trains alone, so much, for years and years, runs like this breath life into me.  And it is also truly valuable to know that she is on a similar path with her running as I am, learning to be in the moment, takes runs as they come or sometimes don’t at all, taking new paths and trails and finding slower and stronger, and more freedom to just be a runner.  Not an elite runner, or a winning runner, or even an improving runner.  But just someone who is finding how extremely versatile her body really is, how incredible it is that it can still perform when called upon, with less “perfect” training.

I’m learning to give myself some grace when a run goes bad, starts bad, ends bad, or the days I just want to take pictures and sit on a rock by the river before jogging home.   On Monday I actually cried, hard, during a slow easy run.. why? not sure? it sucked… I got emotional.  I blame the meds from the weekend for allergies/cold.   I don’t have run pity parties typically, it is silly to feel THAT bad on a run, I mean, geez, I’m RUNNING!  in Bend!  Ok I also blame hormones, they don’t care where you live.  Whatever happened, I sure feel better now.  I must have needed it.  Something about having a cry that actually makes your eyes red and puffy that is good, so I won’t question it again, and I will avoid Benadryl.

I’m learning to go really soooper fast when the mood strikes, because what if that was my last chance to feel THAT?!  I’m learning that no run is worth NOT allowing a stop mid – interval to stare in awe at a mountain, or set of rapids on a river, or find where the sound of the baby osprey is coming from.  I want the FULL experience.  I can run and train and be IN my world.  Not running to check out, but to check in.

SO there day 1 of 50.  For those of you who made it to this point I give you a song recommendation, lucky dogs!

A song I have been listening to on repeat for a few days has filled me so much with what I feel about it all right now.  Life In Color by One Republic.. check it out!  so bright, so happy.

… This is life in color, today feels like no other, and the darkest grays, the sun bursts, clouds break …. this is life in motion, and just when I could run this race no more, the sun bursts, clouds break, this is life in color.  THIS IS LIFE IN COLOR.

 

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Ironman is just Silly

“How ridiculous and how strange to be surprised at anything which happens in life”
Marcus Aurelius

Yes when I think about it, it kinda makes me chuckle, how serious we take it using words like determined, challenge, goals, focus, grit, guts, tough, pain, perseverence, and on and on.  How about silly?!

We train and train and set goals and plan as if setting off to a real war, of course this is not a war.   On this fine day in Arizona looking at a brilliant sunrise over the water with bridges lined with people and twinkle lights, people are serious, focused, worried, scared, many eager and emotional and happy thank goodness.  Then we go and thrash and mash, in fact I was more smashed and mashed so people could “beat” me or “beat” their best, than any IM I’ve done so far.  I too was getting frustrated and annoyed and didn’t let many giggles enter my heart for those 2.4 miles. My ambition for a best time let serious seep in and hide the silliness of the whole reality of the scene maybe if I had felt a little more goofy I would have found holes to swim through and swim the speed I wanted, but I didn’t and so I didn’t.

Climbing out of the never ending swim for our lives, I slipped and smashed my toe on the stairs, of course I did.  Why not, Ironman is a silly trickster after all right?!  I didn’t realize it was broken until the med tent later this fine day.  It hurt but it should when you do smash it and put bike shoes right on.  It is not life and death, it is a hurt toe. A hurt toe in a silly race I now get to ride 112 miles on my bike in.

Windward Fun I’ve been ‘determined’ to have an incredible bike, this year after training at some altitude and mountains, the bike course was going to be ‘dominated’ by me.  Again how silly of me to think this way.  The winds did not wait until mid morning. they started in earnest on lap one, headwind up to 30-40mph gusts all the way out to the turnaround.  We all hunkered down in our little lines and tried to pass people in our quest to be super fast lol… How funny I bet it looks from above, all this effort, discomfort. But boy what scary fun it was coming back with a tailwind and slight downhill!  In case you were starting to have too much fun here, the crosswind gusts would play with you, threaten to dump you on your rear and did completely topple and injure and end the day of many cyclists. I think you had to embrace the wind, play and dance with it or you totally did not have a fun silly Ironman experience. So as much as I was slower than on my previous less windy attempt, I came in off the bike in 10th place in my age group. A perfect spot for me with a marathon to go.

My transitions were WAY faster than last time with my serious focus on getting outta there… 6 min total  T1/T2 time improvement.  No way was I going to dilly dally in this silly Ironman sitting on a chair, NOT going towards the finish line!  I set about to run my run all day pace, one that would put me near or below 4 hr pace.  For some reason though I wasn’t as smiley as I usually am, I had a goal of doing well so I had to focus!  I did hi five a line of little kids, that was about the extent of exuberance I could muster.  Hamstring/sciatic was getting tighter by the step, of course I knew it would, silly of me to thing otherwise lol.

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Mile 4 Running toward my friends Tunnel

I was NOT going to let it get the best of me though.  So I ran and ran. until I had to throw up.  Right as I was entering mile 15, and a mile long section of fans who were trying to support me with all the silliness they could manage, the lump in my throat and stomach knotted up.  All I could think was don’t throw up on the people. Not here, not now!  Then our fans, my friends and husband, ok REALLY not now!! I don’t think I even smiled? I just tried to keep it in, and run to an empty spot on the trail. Commence dry heaves.  This is where you really think how comical this all is.  I mean seriously.  Training is never like this.  Training is rainbows and butterflies for real for me. I LOVE TRAINING!  This race is just SILLY!

At that point I hear I am in 7th place- What?! so I have to try.  I cannot do my usual run/walk. That just wouldn’t do, to miss a kona spot because I got wimpy after all this ridiculousness.  So I only ran.  Unless I was stopped lol. I stopped for porta potty for the tummy, I stopped to gag, nothing in my stomach to release, just blech.  Surely some girls passed me then, if I had seen them would I have kept going?  They wear their totally ridiculous calf sleeves that cover their age group so I had no idea if I should catch em.  But silly me I should try anyway right?! My mouth is white with tums.. I probably ate 30 during the race… My lips parched and cracking, I even thought about Patrick’s trick of using ear wax, ew!!!  In Arizona, you run in the dark after 9-10 hr mark I think. So It was dark by now, goal of breaking 11 hrs gone.  I ran by the Go Mitch Go tent near the finish, and they yelled I could still PR.  NO I Can’t I yelled back.  I was already at the time, would be a few minutes over.  But I still didn’t know where I was overall so I ran and it hurt, I couldn’t run too hard because you just really don’t want to throw up in the finish chute.  Like REALLY don’t want to do that and I was very much there still.

Finish line is typical wonderful, no pain zone, a why didn’t I run like this all the way zone. But when I came across, boy was I DONE.  Like no other time before.  I was woozy dizzy and just not well.  I got to go to the med tent where my bp was 80/50, so happy day I got to get fluids!  This is the goal of every Ironman racer lol.  Fluids equal faster recovery!  Faster time to be able to eat mounds of food. and sleep well and on and on.  So I am grateful to the staff who took care of my pale low BP self. This is where I saw THE TOE.  I asked to take a peek, cuz it felt like I had a scrape or bad blister all day. Well it was bent and swollen and purple.  Thank goodness it wasn’t a more useful toe. Now patrick can make fun of my toes even more:-)  In the end I was 11th in my age group, Improved by 6 places over 2 years ago with much more drama to deal with. So I’ll take it, kinda have to:)

Silly thing is, we ALL were having silly ridiculous days out there. I had so many friends there who had spent an entire year training and fundraising for Go Mitch Go, most doing their first IM, having their own wonderfully awful days…The day of days they had waited for, I so wanted to chat with each one and see how it was compared to their visions, better worse, etc.  I could easily have picked a few and just stayed with em till the end, so magical is the first finish!

I was not the only one with gut issues, foot issues, hamstring issues and way way worse.  But for some reason we all keep going on as if we really have to. Really we don’t ha. Still not sure why I do these.  I love the training.  I love suffering race day and seeing if I can out suffer myself and some of my competitors.  I don’t have to prove anything, especially after the first one.  I know Ironman is something anyone can do. If you can tolerate all the silliness the day brings.  I guess I do it now to see if I can perfect it. Find that balance of happy and fun and focus and effort.  To show others there are things out there that look so hard that are so in your grasp, to not be afraid.

Go Mitch GO!!

The Go Mitch Go Team from Austin and OKC Raised $200,000!

So many brave tough adventurers out there.  I see people at the top of menacing mountains, because they climbed in the snow with their skis on their backs just to fly down and be done.  That amazes me, but not enough to want to do it.  I see people so strong and limber and brave they free climb cliffs and dangle, or ride mountain bikes at insane speeds down wild trails and obstacles.  They prove to me there is so much so so much to do if you want it. And all of it is silly,  these things we can do for a thrill, to enjoy and maximize our life experience.  All of us wee people on this magnificent earth seeking and pushing limits just fascinate me. How cool it is to have ANY opportunity we want to see what is possible. Ironman is not the pinnacle of that by any means, just one of the many options in our pretty humorous human experience.  I say we should all do something brave, silly, hard, fun, courageous, scary…  It is our job to give God a good show.

Ironman Readiness

“There are two things we should always be 1. raw and 2. ready. When you are raw, you are always ready and when you are ready you usually realize that you are raw. Waiting for perfection is not an answer, one cannot say “I will be ready when I am perfect” because then you will never be ready, rather one must say “I am raw and I am ready just like this right now, how and who I am.”
―C.JoyBell C.

I am 11 days from Ironman #5.

11 days from testing my readiness.

11 days from experiencing a true and complete exhaustion, exhileration and relief.

Every single Ironman I have trained for has had it’s own unique challenges, each I have felt a different level of readiness, and in fact come into them a different person than I come in now.

Number 1, the first, the only first you get, the magnificent glory of doing the work and following a plan with the total unknowing if it was going to work!  The mystery and awe of the day filled me with so much emotion for months, inspired me to start this blog.  The day was full of portapotty time and a wee bit o misery.  But it never crossed my mind I couldn’t/wouldn’t finished once I started that day.  Not losing my ability to hi-five volunteers and chuckle at what I had done to myself by even entering helped me cross the line.  Finishing it was the victory, as it should be for the first.

Number 2, was a year later on my home turf, with friends and familiar roads and paths, was a quiet preparation, the knowing was there, confidence and comfort and fun with dozens of friends along side was truly special.  It was a real struggle also, almost a full marathon walked after coming in off the bike in 2nd place… breathing and nausea issues would give me new lessons for future races.

Number 3 was 8 weeks later, big hopes because of the walkathon I had just experienced, and it was on familiar ground, familiar because it was Tempe AZ where I had gone to college.  Had a solid race, free of any significant issue and a PR, but still much more walking than I wanted.  It is definitely a course to do very well on if you get your act together:-)

Number 4 was 6 weeks after a dear friend and training partner in our group of 5 was killed on his bike on one of our training 100milers.  To say we were “ready” for this race… well, not sure any of us were ready… Mentally or physically. Things changed, our hearts changed.  We had a new reason to do this Ironman once we knew we were going ahead with it.   Gone were goals and worries about the perfect taper etc. Perspective shift big time.  Tahoe will always be special, an emotional roller coaster that I never wish on anyone, but one that is a huge part of my soul.

Number 5 is coming,  IMAZ again.  First time to do a course twice.  This time, after a major family life change, moving to a training mecca outdoor wonderland in Bend Oregon.  Once the settling in and rhythm was set this summer, training was the best I think I have ever had, overall at least.  Improvements mostly bike related, run has had issues with back and sciatic entire time but I believe has made me stronger. Calm and focused on having a breakthrough race.

I look back on all the races, mostly a blur, they are done and I’ve moved on, I think.  But I realize I carry little expectations for the next one with me each time.  Like NEXT time I will Look as fit as I feel. NEXT time I will lose that extra 10lbs that I didn’t have in my first one, NEXT time I will swim a ton more, NEXT time I will hit every interval and session with intent and dedication, do more this and that.  It annoys me that I get annoyed at the extra layer of “fuel” I have over my body lol. Especially now, we live in an amazing place for food and enjoying a fine glass of wine, and I should not regret the indulgences that don’t align with my picture of myself as an athlete.  They are in fact part of the rest of me, the family, friend, wife me.  Just wanted to share that, because I know many of us struggle with it on some level. And it is absurd that should ever cross my mind, but yep it does.

I am not perfect, but I am ready…. I am not perfect, but I am perfectly ready.  I am stronger than I have ever been, at times I feel like a machine, and I think for this phase of the game that means I am ready.  I am ready to be raw on race day… To be all that I have wanted to be in the 4 races before, to be all that I was in the 4 races before, and to be ME on race day.

Really believing…

“Get away from what is realistic and consider the seemingly impossible possiblities.  Stop asking what a good goal would be and start asking God what your most magnificent goal should and could be.”

Tommy Newberry

Do I think God believes my most magnificent goal should be qualifying for Kona?  No, but I do think it is one of the goals I should accomplish on the way to seeing the bigger goals He has in store for me that I have yet to be totally clear on.  I don’t think we have just ONE ultimate goal. More

Clarity and Vision in the Mud- Finding Congruence

“What you are, and who you are should provide greater clarity about where you have been and where you are headed. Although one distinguishes spiritual from physical nature, the ultimate unification of the two is the consequence of the struggle for internal, external and eternal – peace.”  T.F. Hodge

A couple weekends ago I went to my first open water “race”.  At a small lake in northeast Oklahoma, I learned I can swim a LONG way!  Planned to go 4500m, 3800m is Irondistance swim, so it would be the farthest I’ve ever gone.  Turned out farther many of us believe based on our swim times (over 3mi), and garmin devices n such. But no matter. It was long and worth it.  And you have a long time to think when all you have to do is swim.

For a few years now I have been defining and refining my purpose, or my Statement of Greatness.  It comes clear, in a flash, then becomes blurry.  When I let it guide me however, it comes easier, if impulsive. More

Losing Track

What day is it?”
It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
My favorite day,” said Pooh.” 
A.A. Milne

Summer is a great time to lose track, to live in the moment, to be happy with the day, no picking favorites…

Today I was reminded of this as I got lost in my projects for the day, it just flew by.  The joy of working and completing and creating was not tarnished by a ticking clock or a wishing it was a better day or a Friday.

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Dad’s Day

“My father died many years ago, and yet when something special happens to me, I talk to him secretly not really knowing whether he hears, but it makes me feel better to half believe it.” — Natasha Josefowitz

Funny how on Father’s Day I immediately go about planning for my husband, for my kids’ Dad.  It always hits me later, every year, oh yeah, I have a dad, My dad is gone.  And has been for a long time.  It makes me really want my kids to understand how precious and wonderful it is to have a Dad around who not only provides for, but tickles, wrestles, scolds, mentors, snuggles, advises, shares all the special moments in time…

I didn’t lose my Dad as many do, later in adult life. More

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